From Hamburg a one-hour drive brought us to the house of a friend and his wife living at the outskirts of a small town. Sitting in the garden, surrounded by flowers, we spoke about different stages of our spiritual journey through life, while our wives were exchanging experiences in the living room. Later we joined together.

For years my friend had had a spiritual bookshop and a publishing house for spiritual / astrological books. Later he sold the shop and focused on publishing as well as on managing the production of nice jewellery with spiritual symbols, in Asia.

In his life he showed a great love for freedom from limitating structures and a great aspiration towards cosmic depths. He is much interested in creating a space for people to meet in freedom. He told us of a round table group of men with different spiritual backgrounds and with an intense inner journey which a friend of his, a publisher, had formed a year ago where. They meet every 6 months for a weekend of exchange, contemplation and reflection. Our friend is planning to launch a free meeting with friends of our spiritual movement for next year, and he showed us his draft of a concept.

After evening meditation we continued our drive eastwards to meet a friend near the Baltic Sea.

A wind mobile in the garden of  our friend

Buddha meditating in the garden

On our tour through Belgium and Germany we are now in Hamburg. Yesterday and today were filled with lively conversations and exchanges. It is very fascinating to have a look into biagraphies and to get a closer feeling for the steps of  experience people have walked. These are all friends with a long spiritual history and a deep search for light, a committed expression in their surroundings, integrating spiritual living with professional life.

Yesterday afternoon we joined the group meeting of the WTT group of Hamburg, where after many years we met again the old lady at whose house they meet since many years. In my exchange with her we realised that very often in our past our paths had been touching very close points. She gave me insights “from the other side of experience”, and I could share with her information, insights andexperiences from my side, about joint companions on the path. It was very touching and heartening to see how we had been strolling our ways in zig-zag movements and had observed many an event in a similar way.

Other friends had joined the meeting, and there were many impressions shared in a short time.

These talks have a great intensity, which I enjoy very much.

Path to the light – staircase in the house of our friend, where we stay at the moment.

Buddha-statue in a house of a friend we visited yesterday

Herb garden on the roof, veranda-impression

Master CVV was known to have expressed fullness of life by regularly celebrated great dinners with many people, serving numerous courses. I was reminded of this during our visit to the Belgian group of the WTT, where we had beautiful meals in the garden, with lively conversation – besides enjoying meditations, fire and water rituals together. We had the good luck that our visit here co-incided with the birthday of a friend and with the national holiday of Belgium, so that our friends had time for exchange and for havinng joy together.

We particularly enjoyed the visit to the house of a younger member, where other young group members joined. After lunch she showed us her horse, a dear friend since many years. The mare was vividly greeting us and jumped over the field. She seemed to be pure energy, and she expressed joy seeing her human friend.

We later had a walk through the countryside, along golden fields of wheat and through a forest speckled with sunlight. It is a beautiful time of fullness and cordial exchanges. Today we will continue our journey to Germany.

Lighthouse at the Belgian coast

Candlelight on the altar

On our holiday journey to different groups of our spiritual movement of the WTT we stay for some days with the Belgian group in the surroundings of Brussels. It is a very cordial encounter. Sunday after a morning fire ritual and brunch a group member drove with us to the city of Brussels. On the way he described how often when entering into the city images come to him of the many layers of the city’s history. The past experiences are not gone, but stored in the subtle realms of space, impregnating the qualities of the area.

He showed us different places of Belgium’s historical past, of the urge of rulers striving towards grandeur through pomp and displays of power – on the background of utmost cruelties towards colonialized people who were exploited by force. The karmic waves have backlashed repercussions to the society, causing instabilities and social changes.

In the city we saw signs of occult work from olden times (free-mason) on the walls of several old houses, or other symbols with a spiritual meaning, which the passers-by don’t notice, silent messages without a receiver? In some side-road, where our friend had a house, we saw an old underground passage,  which had been used for transporting prisoners – a strange relict symbolising the imprisonment of man deep down in matter. The towers of the EU administration or other signs of present day’s rulership are thus mixing with undercurrents which escape from the rational mind.

Shop-window reflections of different layers of reality

View to the sky along the front of the town hall of Brussels, on the top of which there is a statue of St. Michael.

Fortune on the wheel with the horn of plenty

An angel trumpeting a silent message over the noisy crowds of the central place

Don Quichote and Sancho Pansa fighting against the nightmares of modern life

For over 6 months I was in a coaching group for project managers. It was a small group of 3 persons with a very experienced process consultant with whom I’m in contact since about 16 years. We had 6 sessions together and today was the last one. It was very fascinating for me to have here a space for reflecting the dynamics of complex processes in our projects. The general experience is that situations who seem to be clear tend to do into some kind of diffusivity. Quickly the landscapes change, and situations or agreements which seem to have been clear are getting uncertain or silently enormities happen which you tend not to note at first hand: The commitment of team members changes, the external partners have another understanding than oneself, and though it seems that it has been clarified on paper and in contracts, the clarities tend to diffuse. The process consultant today gave us a paper with the sentence: “With the time every project starts living lies”. You must be very truthful, careful and attentive to see the subtle changes and, if necessary, to do the needed interventions.

The last weeks I had been writing poems (condensed thoughts) – in German – in the early morning hours about observations and experiences. One of them reminds me of this morning’s topic of the coaching group, so I translated it into English:

Where the path might lead me today?
Questioning I stand at the threshold
of a new morning.
Every day opens, related to
the previous one
and embedded in old tracks,
but there are always
new wanderers waiting
and even the seemingly old companions
enter every day
into a new landscape,
where the sceneries keep on changing.
Often a friend seems to hurry ahead
or fall behind
or take to another way
and slips away, mostly unnoticed,
but frequently also only a cloud
or a bend hides the view
and the closeness remains nevertheless.
The community of
those striving to the common goal
gives protection and strength
in dangerous times.
For suddenly the way might lead
through rough areas
and besides it open abysses
of incertitude, irritation or
poisonous clouds of fear,
or there is
a fight against fatigue and
weaknesses and
threads to the body.
It is good to have
a skilful guide,
whose leading hand
gives strength and shows the direction
and sees that the
group of wanderers
stays together and always
keeps the eye on the
star of the goal.

Marzili bridge, today at noon time in Berne, on the way home.

A friend just sent me this remarkable article about the touching speech of a father who lost a daughter at the Columbine High School massacre, the 10th anniversary of which will be on April 20th:

Guess our national leaders didn’t expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee’s subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful.

“Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women.. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.

“The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain’s heart.

“In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA – because I don’t believe that they are responsible for my daughter’s death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel’s murder I would be their strongest opponent.

I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy — it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best.

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You’ve stripped away our heritage,
You’ve outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question “Why?”
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!

“Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation’s history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine’s tragedy occurs — politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts.

“As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA — I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone!

My daughter’s death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!”

Old daggers. Photo of an exposition by my son.

On a friend‘s suggestion I wrote down these experiences; she said, others might learn from them. So I give them free by way of publishing, since these seem to me to be archetypal and not “personal” experiences.

In the depth of the personality are hidden wounds, causing pain and fear. In the process I went through during the last weeks I encountered deep hurts which had accumulated over many years, going back to the foundations of my material existence. These fears had been there lying dormant, well hidden below mental barriers clothed in concepts and self-justifications. The barriers had caused strong walls, protecting from the abyss of fears, but at the same time blocking me from the influx of light and fresh air of the subtle realms.

In needed a fiery crisis for breaking up some of the walls, and beforehand a deep, long-lasting process of grinding in my relationships. The grinding had caused some kind of suppuration process, but not the purifying outbreak. Unconsciously for me, it was also supported by a long homoeopathic treatment I am undergoing. At our last meeting the homeopath told me that the signature of the remedy he gave me was marked by sudden outbreaks.

The fiery crisis came in the aftermath of witnessing and accompanying another person’s crisis. It had a catalyst function, which was in the beginning not easy for me to understand and to separate my part from the seemingly “other” part, subtly, however, linked by karmic ties.

With the help of my wife and another woman, not physically, but only present in the subtle, giving support and creating a space, where the inner events could happen, I entered into a series of long visualization journeys into the depth of layers of consciousness, each journey lasting for about one hour. During the entire process I was describing my experiences in all details to my wife, who listened to them, thus following and observing the development. My wife had proposed to go into the depths of psychic pain. We had been talking several times about past wounds, where I had caused and experienced hurts that are partly very long times back, partly, however, of a very recent date. The deep plutonic subject of culprit and victim, the yin and yang poles.

In the beginning I was a bit sceptical about these journeys. I always had thought that the inner blockages, which over a long time I even did not realize, could be overcome best by meditation and prayer, which I’ve been doing regularly for several decades, but not by going consciously into re-experiencing the blockages and the related feelings. I doubted about the healing impact of this kind of work. However, it seemed that by meditation alone I could not get into the core of the wounds and release the related pain.

I am not a “psychic”, but have a “down to earth” approach to spirituality and inner experiences. However, since the psychic pains of the crisis continued without losing their strength, I was ready to go on this “inner journey work”.

During the weeks of the climax of the crisis there was a constant pressure and tension around the area of the solar plexus, like a heavy block of concrete.
Before or journeys, we invoked the presence of the Master and a stabilizing triangular structure of blue light, linking the hearts and minds of the persons involved, visualizing the energy of the Master above the triangle, which thus became a triangular pyramid, holding stable the energy. From that part of the visualization I went down into the area of the solar plexus, entering into the sensations of violent pains and tensions.

We did this for 8 days, each time before or after evening prayer/meditation. Every journey was distinctly different from the experiences of the other journeys, taking surprising turns, bringing other pictures and energy qualities – but all of the sessions ended in giving relief to a certain layer of fear and pain.
In these experiences the knowledge I have from the wisdom teachings was of utmost importance for orientation and for the progress of the process, particularly the book “Music of the Soul” by Master EK (Dr. Ekkirala Krishnamacharya) (the “Lokayata-experience”) and the book “Hercules. The Man and the Symbol”, by Master KPK (Dr. K. Parvathi Kumar) (particularly the works of Hercules in Virgo, Scorpio and Aquarius).

On the first two journeys I encountered layers of great suffocating darkness in the centre of which there was something like an onyx-coloured, egg-shaped black stone formed by impenetrable fear, around which there were layers of black turbulences, through which I went on the way to the stone. When reaching the stone, I could not dissolve it visually, but buried it into the ground, the earth, for “maturation”. The next day it dissolved into powder dissipating into space. At the end of the journey I experienced a lift-up through the spine by a light, upward-drifting air into the area of the head. It was a very soothing experience of lightness and purification.

The next two, three journeys I encountered oceans of black, stinking waters in a Hades-like surrounding, at the areas of the solar plexus and the spleen centre (Manipuraka and Swadhishtana chakra). They seemed to drown me, they were nourishing a root-meshwork in the solar plexus, living from fear and pain. It was an experience which was so intense that partly I could nearly not continue the visualization journey, for intense tears were coming up, but with the help of my wife and the stabilizing energy of the light structure I continued, and then the waters seemed to be suck away, absorbed into space. It reminded me of the Puranic story of Rishi Agastya drinking an ocean of poison.

In the next journey I encountered a violent ravaging fire in the area of the solar plexus, burning my inside and giving physical pain at the outer sides of the diaphragm. It was like fire having leaked out of the tube of the spine, and in the following visualization the fire was gathered repeatedly with a bluish, conically formed matter, to bring the fire back into the vertebral column, from where it had leaked, and the spine was being isolated and fixed by a dark-bluish mantle. Not all of the fire could be extinguished, the experience ended with perceiving a burned field like after a huge forest fire.

I went down below the field of burned ashes, back into the hall (space) where the black waters had been– it was all empty and burned. Again I went deeper down, to the area at the end of the spine, where again a space opened up with a field of a lava-like ground. From there the ashes seemed to dissolve, but not totally. I felt a certain relief. I went up to the area of the heart centre, stayed there for a while, connecting with the structure of light, thanking the persons who had helped facilitating the experience and came out.

I felt fatigued and asked myself how long this work would continue, for it was very intense and emotionally exhausting. During the eight days I went through the experiences I was continuing my normal daily routine with work at the office etc, though feeling shaky.

The next day, last Saturday, we began again visualizing the triangular structure, the persons involved and the presence of the master, supporting and enabling the process. I went inside, into the space around the solar plexus. There was a feeling of a void, after the ravaging fire of the last day. It was cold, everything extinguished, like in an extinguished crater. No life, no sign of fresh sprouting, but also no more pain or wounds. Deeper and deeper I went until I touched the ground in the great hall at the level of the base centre. There too, it seemed to be all cold, dark and without any sign of life. Remembering the scene of Lokayata with Krishna in the hall at the base centre, in the book “Music of the Soul”, I thought of Krishna, whose name also means black, but as the background of existence. Doing so I suddenly experienced a tremendous widening into space, leaving me with no orientation of up and down, no notion of any limitations, but of a vast, living expanse of space I called “universe”. It was a silent, very blissful experience, where I stayed for a while, full of gratitude.

All my hurts and wounds, all my feelings of emptiness and limitations were gone. Thinking of the body, the personality, gave me a picture of something like an illusion of negative, limited space, real and not real at the same time. The body was near and at the same time not linked to me. Nevertheless I went back into that field being “my body”, localized me consciously there, expressed my deep thanks and came out after a while. I felt like being newly born, integrated again into the flow of life. This experience is now a week back. There was no more “backlash” of the “dark side of the moon”, as I called it. I was “back to normal”, but relieved of a heavy load of the past.

Silk painting, October 1984

The last weeks I encountered several situations, where I observed the importance of giving and getting confirmation – about feelings, about observations, about what I had been doing. My wife explained to me a situation from her youth, where she had experienced a difficult situation without getting the confirmation of her feelings. It was only 25 years later that the confirmation was given, releasing her from an inner pressure. I experienced similar situations in the last weeks, which first irritated me for lack of confirmation. To come out of this uncertainty I directly asked for clarification, and as soon as it was given, the feeling of irritation ceased. When talking about it my wife commented that not getting a confirmation or  getting an erroneous one can cause crises, despair and even deep wounds.

Many people are not aware about the importance of giving confirmation or feedback. It not only helps the other one to whom you respond, it also clarifies your feelings.  When you give someone a confirmation, you help establishing a good flow of interrelatedness. When you don’t do it, out of lack of thought, you create a subtle tension. This is also the case with e-mail exchange: When somebody doesn’t respond to thoughts you expressed to him or her, it can be blocking the energy exchange. On the other hand, obtaining a confirmation gives you a feeling of reliability in the relation, thus strengthening the bonds of friendship.

A similar effect is interest. In the last two months I experienced situations where the interest shown by some friends to certain situations in my life opened an inner flow. It gave me the occasion to get into touch with deep sources submerged for a long time. The interest and attention created in me such a joy that I could pass on certain things valuable to me. When no interest is there, the hidden treasures cannot unfold.

I just read a text (unpublished) of a conference by Dr. E. Krishnamacharya about preparation for death and the importance of elder people to give orientation for the younger ones. He said, it is a catastrophe for the industrialized countries that the link of continuity between the elder generation and the younger one is broken. The grand-parents often don’t have the occasion to educate the grand-children and pass on their experiences and spiritual guidance to them. Passing on is only possible, when contact and interest are there. Only then the co-existence of life through different generations can express as a living flow.

Flow and blockages: River in the Alps / Kiental near Berne

Last week I visited my “old family” in Germany. It was the first time since the passing of my father 1.5 years ago, and things had changed quite a lot: My brother and one of my sisters had inherited the house of my parents and done quite some renovation work in the meantime.

I knew of these changes, but hadn’t seen it. It was a strange experience, being in a very familiar surrounding, where I had grown up, but which was no longer the same surrounding: The inner memory pictures and the outer didn’t match. Partly the scenery was the same, partly it had changed a lot: walls had disappeared, new colours, doors and furniture had appeared. Also it now was the house of my brother and sister. Pictures and feelings were overlapping, causing irritations and new experiences. Also the relations to the relatives were being partly re-defined.

My brother and sister who had mainly initiated or done the changes himself had lived the transition. For me it was a sudden change. It reminded me of the many situations where you live for a while with a concept in mind, which once was formed with an actual perception, but which hadn’t been updated since. When there is a new snapshot of reality, there is the chance of adapting the concepts. How many concepts in us need an update or don’t fit with reality? The new year gives a good chance of updating one’s  view of the world or at least of one’s major viewpoints.

Transition – sunset behind bushes, last Saturday

This weekend I went by train up through Germany to a place in the north of Frankfort, where a cousin of mine  had organised the annual meeting of my highschool class – now 36 years after leaving school. We had been together during 9 years and then spread into different directions and professions. I hadn’t been at the meetings of the last years, and so I was looking forward of seeing some of the old classmates again.

At the fast train station already three friends were waiting for me. A big black Mercedes was ready to pick us up: One comrade with whom I had been together a lot during school times is now head of Munich Airport and had managed to come for part of the weekend. In the car he told us that it is a rare occasion for him to be just with normal people who don’t want anything from him or who don’t look at him as something special… My cousin replied: That’s the destiny of alpha animals…

We were just a small group of 6, from a class of originally 14. Some had sent a short-turn negative reply due to health or family problems.

Some weeks ago one of the classmates had converted an old film on DVD, which was made at the end of our school time – a portrait of each of us. It was like a message in a bottle, to see me and the others after so many years. It was astonishing to see that in our behaviour you could already see the traits which had just been worked out over the years.

I leave here aside the details of our meeting – too many non-bloggable personal things. We didn’t stick much to old memories, it was a lively discussion about the different paths and experiences, with a familiarity which is rare with other people – in spite of the wide range of different attitudes.

When I was asked about my way, besides the profession, it was not so easy for me to explain the essence of the journey through the subtle worlds. Speaking about the Circle of Good Will, someone asked, What do you mean with good-will? What do you understand with spirituality? What is… I tried to explain these fundamentals, but felt that it is difficult to convey processes of inner transformations and experiences with collegues who are partly not familiar with similar experiences, and words cannot convey them. It was the first time I could speak to them in some more detail about what is moulding my life, though just in a short outline. And so I came to know that one friend also is sometimes doing buddhist meditations, and he had a book with him about a talk of a scientist and a buddhist teacher.

This morning we had a last exchange before we broke up, back to our different places in life.

Sewing machines from the collection of my cousin, of nearly 30 machines of partly historic value: A good symbol for the class meeting.