I’m always observing the changes in atmosphere when passing over the border or when coming to other areas. Often you notice quite a sudden change of ambiance, and so it was also this time.

Though I hadn’t experienced it very consciously, I remember very well that the region where I grew up had a heavy, dense atmosphere – not just because the town is an industrial area at the periphery of the Ruhr area, but also that there is some feeling of gravity over the countryside. At times it had been suffocating for me.

In Dortmund I had to wait half an hour on the platform to catch the connecting train. I observed the faces and the energy fields of the passengers around. Again this feeling of density and gravity so well known was there in the air. It grew even stronger when I entered the regional “Westfalen Express” train. I just could get a standing place in the crowded entrance. The physiognomies were quite familiar to me, though I hadn’t been there with a train for years.

At my hometown my sister was already standing on the platform. Yes, there it was again, this feeling of my youth, gray and heavy. I breathed in the air. We entered her car and she drove me via the bypass road around the city. Strange but at the same time very familiar.

Yesterday morning my old friend came to pick me up for a walk. Since many years we meet around Christmas to exchange about what had been going on and which inner processes we are in. I love these talks. He is a very sensitive person, in a responsible professional position as a professor of literature.

I told him about my feelings when coming here, and he said that they are very familiar to him, too. His youngest child, a son of 12, is suffering from his classmates mobbing him, and he is struggling his way through school – very intelligent, but little motivated.

We talked on the difficult paths of the souls through their lives and the intense training we ourselves had gone through. It needs a special steadfastness not to be driven away or to get drowned in the currents of time. My friend had grown strong with the years, having found his expression through the writing of books.

I had a phone-call with a desperate woman stating that she feels her life had been destroyed the last years. I listened, tried to hold her a bit. Another phone call with my eldest sister who has to pass Christmas in hospital because of a broken ankle which got surgery 2 days ago. But out of the sojourn in hospital there arose interesting encounters and a time for relaxation. And other talks I had showed me, how, in spite of the difficult times many people take up the challenges of life and grow through them, using the difficulties as steps of experience.

Impressions from the walk yesterday afternoon: Light and Darkness meeting.

Though the beginning of this phase of painting was quite sudden – I experienced a tremendous inpour of energies 6 September 1981, when I first came into contact with the Great Invocation given by Master DK, using it in meditation – I had painted  already since my school-days in the early 70ies, first influenced by drugs and psychedelic art as well as surrealism. I dissolved all these pictures in the early 90ies – feeling that they were too imperfect and chaotic. I realised only some days ago that in these early images there were colour elements and motives which still appear in a transformed form in my recent paintings.

The pictures are all expressions of a long inner spiritual search for light and an oscillation between eastern and western expressions of wisdom. They reflect inner experiences and phases of growth. Being entirely autodidactic, I felt that my technique was always far from being perfect, just an outflow of creative expression and a search for manifesting light / fire on paper.

Many of the pictures of this cycle came out with a great inner intensity and a desire to “paint in fire”. Often they were done quite fast and in a kind of rapture.

During the 80ies and 90ies I hardly met an understanding from the persons to whom I showed the pictures and I wondered what they were good for – just filling the basement. In the spiritual group in which I was during the 90ies they were considered with distrust, as an expression of personality. So my wife and I dissolved nearly all of the paintings in 1997, only photos of the originals remained. I kept the photo documentation in a diary. But also this book carried for me some kind of a stigma. I wanted to throw it away and told Sri Kumar about it January 2003 in India. He said, don’t destroy it, give it to a friend for safekeeping. And this I did.

It was only in January 2009 again in India that, for the first time, a young lady showed a deeper interest in the pictures, and  I told her that I’ll give her the diary as a present. I asked the friend who had it to send it back to me – after 6 years of safekeeping. But before I could give the book to the young lady a strange violent confusion made it impossible. So I started scanning the photos and presented a selection of them at the 100th May Call celebration in Engelberg, Switzerland.

November 2009, the young lady gave me some deep hints as per the paintings. This first appreciation opened my inner doors to a creative expression which continues since then – a restart after 19 years of pause. The contact, however ended a short while afterwards, again with some strange violent confusion, so that the diary with the pictures is still with me, but no longer belonging to me.

The pictures of the “Early Paintings” are from scans of the photos. I tried to work on them a bit, but some weren’t very sharp. I’ll continue to publish them over the next time, not more than one per day. It is an “appreciation” 30 years later.

Choir of Angels, 10 Nov. 1981 – 30 years ago. A4, liquid glazing paint

P.S.: I only realised this morning (27th Nov.), after having slept on it, that there is a pattern behind the paintings: Like Brahma, the Indian god of creation, destroyed various of his creations because they weren’t perfect, I destroyed the very early paintings because they were too dark, filled with expressions of anguish and inner strives – though inner seeds remained, silently continuing to sprout.

Also the next series, which now are being published, was destroyed, but there remained outer seeds in the form of photos, from which these pictures now got restored. The first (I think 18) pictures of the present series, Images of Synthesis, I gave away to the young friend immediately after having painted them, just keeping the digital version. Since the contact with her broke down, I then kept on putting away the paper versions into a folder directly after painting and worked on the digital version. So the digital image became for me the “quinta essentia”, the end-product of an alchemical process of refinement, where the matter undergoes a process of fiery destruction to  later get distilled and potentised to the final perfection.

I also realised that after the close of the cycle of “Early Paintings” there were some intermediary and very ephemeral images drawn on a blackboard and wiped out a short time later. Below you find one of these drawings, which mostly I didn’t even document with a photo. You find a detailed description of the symbolism on Flickr. See also on Flickriver.

Globe Chains – Incarnations of the Earth. Blackboard painting, 1991

My wife and I were very impressed by them, they opened the doors to a deeper understanding of the subtle worlds and how to help people to liberate from karmic patterns, foreign spirit influences or to help departed ones who got stuck in the border regions to the physical world. Anton, being highly clairvoyant since his early childhood, has done a lot of liberation work and discovered through his journeys that millions of departed souls got stuck in the nether regions of the subtle worlds. This happens when people suddenly die, in accidents or in wars, and don’t realise that they are dead and don’t believe in a life after death. Their mental structures create for them the surrounding they have constructed themselves during life time, and so they are stuck in their patterns. Others got stuck because they realised after departing that they had hurt others and keep on trying to change something, without having the means for it. And many who died through wrong living, drugs or excessive kinds of living, are also caught in the cobweb of their desires. And the churches haven’t been of help, ignoring reincarnation and the planes of the worlds beyond.

Anton is working since years to help people to understand the subtle causes of suffering, and many came to him because they were at their wits’ end, also the graduated “specialists” in the fields of healing and psychology. In the last years he stopped with individual interventions, since the requests went into hundreds and thousands, and so he is now teaching groups and giving seminars.

At the CD baptism last Sunday about 100 persons had assembled in the hall. Anton and his soul mate Antonie came and greeted most of the people present. We had a short exchange and I told him that I would like to clear with him a point which had preoccupied me for a while. He said that after the lecture he would take some time.

He then spoke for half an hour, here are some thoughts of his talk:

“We all have brought our problems with us, but the good elements are also there. When we suffer we connect ourselves at the same time with the collective suffering of the world, and this can be very intense. We might feel pain which isn’t ours, and we should in no case identify with the suffering personality parts. As a spirit we connect with the true love, but never with the negative energies, we have to mark ourselves off immediately. When we go into suffering and don’t insulate ourselves, we easily get loaded with negative energies from the astral worlds.

With the help of prayers and rituals we can liberate ourselves from patterns of suffering. Many have the experience that the strains then go away quickly. But afterwards you have to continue with a constructive liberation work to dissolve the patterns, so that you get free from them and don’t take them with you through the whole life and thereafter. Nothing goes away by itself, also the impressions from previous lives. The CD show how to also dissolve feelings of guilt and rejections. We have taken over many opinions from the parents, grand parents and the like, but we have to be with ourselves. When we want to come to the source of life, we have to swim against the stream.”

Afterwards Anton presented the persons who helped him producing the CDs and then “baptised” them by sprinkling some water and speaking a beautiful prayer, invoking the Divine and the angels to help people finding help through these teachings.

Afterwards a little band started playing and people were invited celebrating the occasion with cakes and coffee… Many came and talked to Anton, I waited for a while until he found a moment for me. We went into a side-room where we spoke about my question. He took his tensor and measured with it some questions relating a situation connected with previous life events. He gave me some indications which were of a great relief.

When driving home I had a very peaceful feeling, having now closed the last chapter of a long story.

Even ad-agencies of insurance companies make now posters visualising beings of subtle worlds -  from a just running ad-campaign, at the main road of our village.

The photographer, a young lady, listened to what my wife told her about the purpose of the photos, asked questions, then they started shooting test pictures, before the real shooting started. After each series we had a look at the selection on her laptop to select a few. The photographer spread a good, leisurely atmosphere and very well arranged little details. Sometimes I had to stand behind her to make some jokes to provoke some subtle reactions with my wife. Then she took some pics of my wife and me.

Though I hadn’t planned to get some pics of me, I liked the way she did the pictures. So I asked her also to take take some shots of me: Different perspectives and facial expressions… And again selecting the best ones.

It is always strange for me – like for most others – to see myself from the outside. Though I know the body quite well – living in it already for a while – there is always a feeling it’s an envelope and not myself. And it’s getting older, while I’m not

She now wants to do some image editing before we will get the photos the next days….

A picture taken just in the moment the flash of the other camera shone forth.

And here is a picture from the shootings …

Every month the voluntary translators of the Lunar Messenger strive to be in time for the publication of the new issue around the 7th/8th ascending moon phase. This month I didn’t get in time the Spanish translation which a friend in Miami regularly does since Summer 2001 – for 10 untiring years. So I yesterday asked my Mexican friend who always proof-reads the articles to translate it this time. A few hours later I already had the translation and sent out the Spanish newsletter in the evening, while the other languages had been published a day before.

This morning I got the following e-mail from my friend from Miami, sending his translation and explaining why it came  late:

“I just sent it to you. I had a whole bunch of issues with Mercury retrograde:
• My computer at home (a super nice apple) started turning off without warning
• My computer at school (a top-of-the-line monster) started freezing everything and had to be reinstalled from scratch
• I was finishing the main text yesterday on my way to the airport, but found no sending signal at Miami International Airport until I left
• I am now in Madrid, for a week, and I brought a mini netbook from the school mainly to finish this on time and send it to you, but
• I did not have access to yahoo.com or yahoo.es since I arrived in the morning. It only came through ten minutes ago after I had already sent it to Rosy to forward it to you.
Anyhow, now you have it. Please, confirm reception.
Best of wishes!

I told him that he had really fought hard to get the work done, in spite of the obstacles. I’ll publish his translation as soon as my Mexican friend has proof-read it. In spite of her having translated the text already, which I very much appreciate.

I have respect for the sudden obstacles popping up  at times of Mercury retrograde. I had some computer breakdowns in the past during these times (hopefully not this time….).

An exploding star – firework on 1st of August 11, Swiss national holidy

Later she asked about our family, about what my wife is now doing. Cyrille told her that 1.5 years ago she had stopped teaching piano and that now she is doing a formation as a coach in radical forgiveness. Like others of my wife’s friends the lady felt a bit irritated: For them making music is somehow a dream, for my wife it is something of the past, a thing she had learnt and practised for years but which no longer interests her. The lady wanted to know more about this kind of coaching and it turned out that she is a psychologist and first seemed to be a bit sceptical about the coaching. I mentioned how the work with radical forgiveness had done good to me…

She then started speaking of a journey last year to a place of her childhood and an event that took place in 1945 at the Danube, where Hungarian Nazis had collected all the Jews of the town, led them to the river and killed them there. She wasn’t there, but members of her family had been among the victims. Her father’s side was Jewish, her mother’s side Christian and she grew up as a Christian, but has always been in contact with Jews. She had been again at that place and read the memorial plate with all the names of the persons killed, and there was written the sentence:

“If you are a human, you have to learn to forgive, but not to forget.”

She continued speaking of her father who later went to Israel, whereas she came to Switzerland. She became a psychologist and in spite of her high age she is still working, for victims of mobbing.

There was a magic spell in the air, a feeling of souls touching each other, beyond words. My wife stood a while at the river and looked at the flow, reminding her of the times passing by. On our way home we reflected about the scene, and my wife said: “I didn’t know anything about her before, we only had exchanges on a small-talk level. I felt that she still carries  a heavy load of past experiences and was very grateful to open up and speak a bit about it and to feel that we listened with an open-heart. Just listened, and this opened her feelings. I felt love coming from her side. And there was a flow.”

A Norwegian flag on half-mast in the neighbourhood

In June she was in Munich at a seminar about Radical Foregiveness with Colin Tipping. She took the “direct train” back via Zurich. However, there were railroad works near the Lake of Constance, and they had to change to a regional train and then to another train.

It was a hot day and when they had to leave the intercity train she saw a couple clad in black clothes, tattooed, both very obese and carrying big suitcases. Then man panted. A voice from the load-speakers said in a sharp voice: “Please hurry up to the other platform, the train is leaving soon. … Please hurry up….”

The man was furious: “Incredible, we have paid 200 Euros and this is such a bad service.” They had to cross the railways and walk on the other platform to the regional train. The voice from the loudspeaker kept on reminding, “Please hurry up, the train is leaving soon.” My wife entered the wagon together with the couple. The places were all occupied and so they remained standing at the entrance. She saw that the man was boiling inwardly. For a moment she reflected whether she should talk to the man or not. Then she said, “Inefficiency makes you angry, yes?”

The man looked incredulously and said: “Yes! At my work I cannot be so inefficient, we have to be very precise…” – And that is injust.” – Again he looked astonished: “Yes!”

His girlfriend looked at my wife and just said, “Validating?”. My wife, “Yes.” – Are you working in a care profession?” – “No, I’m becoming a coach.” “Ah!” Later they changed again the train to the next intercity. My wife helped to carry the luggage of the man who had calmed down, and later they sait not far from each other and exchanged some more words.

My wife explained that giving space to another person without trying to solve his problem, just giving presence, helps very much to comeinto contact with oneself.

A fairy bringing light – a candelabra in the house of our friends

“A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else—the small stuff.’

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities….. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’

Stones at the nearby river Aare

Last weekend we went to visit him, together with a young friend who staid with us for a week. The “matchmaker”, Dion, now over 80, is living in the vicinity of the Lake of Constance. Another couple, friends of us from World Teacher Trust, who are living in the area, invited us to stay with them. For me it was a very special weekend.

In bed with the long-haired visitor

Saturday morning I went alone to pick up the “matchmaker” in his little apartment. It was a touching moment when we met again. Though time had left traces in his face, he was lively as before, and quickly we entered into a lively conversation. He is a specialist in dowsing, and my wife wanted to learn it from him, to get confirmation of her own experiments through an experienced person. He also had developed over many years of research a seemingly simple construction for increasing the amount of negative ions in the surrounding. Since the latest of his developments was at the house of another friend, I took him there by car. A surprise.

We came to a house with a huge garden near surrounded by fields and forests, where this friend lived with his wife, an artist. And he was a specialist in geomancy. He showed me the garden with an open air pavilion made by willow branches, where they do concerts and open air expositions, a spiral-shaped lodge which architecture students from Stuttgart had built and a stone circle with a geomantic structure where he made me feel the energies. They had identified certain spots on the ground corresponding to chakras and other energy spots. It was interesting to close the eyes and feel the different energies present.

The garden; the man said a deva is hovering over the lake.

The garden with a geomantic structure.

The “open air” concert / exposition hall, made by willows

Outside the hall

The spiral-shaped pavillion constructed by students of architecture from Stuttgart

An ammonite on the floor of the pavillion

Looking through the roof window

And to the sides

Later we drove to the house of our friends/couple where we had lunch together with an interesting exchange about oscillating and dowsing. In the afternoon my wife went with our old friend into a nearby forest to look for some dowsing rods to do some experiments, while I went with my other friends to a nearby village, where they had a meeting of their local training in a Camphill teacher training house.

The group of about 20 persons is focusing on healing. After a group meditation the lady of the couple spoke about healing through music. She is doing a formation as music therapist and made us experience and describe the qualities of different pieces of music. She explained how music is used in therapy and in which contexts the use of music can foster the healing process. It was a very lively and interesting exchange.

Candle in the centre of the group

During the pause I had an interesting exchange with a naturopath about a seemingly fantastic healing method of Grigory Grabovoi, with numbers. I had read about him before. The naturopath told me she has observed astonishing results with some of her patients.

Next morning after breakfast I went once more to visit Dion, together with our young friend. I hadn’t planned to do so, but he phoned and proposed to show me a healing method he practised years ago while living in Vancouver and where he had very good results: Vivaxis. I found a link to a site which describes the method. With 2 special pendulums he diagnosed 2 colours for me and my young friend. He described how we can use it and we practised a related exercise on a meadow in front of the house.

Back at the house of our friends, other interesting discussions and inputs followed –  an extremely intense and inspiring weekend.

Under the bench

So I looked up in our Euro account and saw that there was just enough. I tried to transfer it via Western Union with online banking, but since the opening of the transfer section takes 24 hs, I phoned to the support hotline and a very kind lady told me that I also can transfer the money via Cash International, which would even be cheaper. She then guided me through the process…

Early next morning I woke up with a certain suspicion why my friend had greeted me with “hello” and not the usual “Dear Brother …” Maybe he was under stress, I thought, reminding me that my wife suspects me often to be over-critical.

Later in my office I had a quick look into my private mail account to see if anything had come in from my friend. There it was. He thanked me for the quick response and asked if I could let him know the Western Union code for identifying. I wrote him I had sent the money via Cash International and didn’t get a code but suppose that he will need to identify with a passport.

Only then I saw another e-mail from a Spanish friend who is in Visakhapatnam, India, at the moment, with the header “Urgent”. I opened the mail and read: “The email ID of hotmail xxx has got hacked, and they succeeded. Please don’ t respond to any mail coming from that email ID hotmail. It’s very important that you inform everybody who can be concerned….” I answered, thanking her and telling: “It is already too late, I reacted on the e-mail.”

Since I couldn’t access to the Postfinance account from my office I phoned to my wife and she immediately contacted the support. They said, it’s already too late, the money is out. But they told her to contact the police, and this my wife did. The police then contacted again the security service of the bank and they could stop the transfer process. So virtually “in the last minute” the money was saved. It was only some days ago that I read about the hacking of hotmail and other accounts from big providers, but I hadn’t imagined that I would become a victim and I thought I knew their tricks, being in touch with such questions also professionally.

I sent an information to the mailing list of our group members informing them about the hacked account, and another Indian friend replied: “The hackers always do that and try their luck. But I’m glad the transfer was duly stopped and saved yourself a lot of trouble. There is a blog some victim wrote. Very informative.” And later he wrote: “The fraud e-mails have good language to convince and catch victims. They present the picture beautifully. Quite a few of my friends’ mails have been hacked that way – same – asking for money – stuck in some city! They send them out to contacts in the address book and look for any unfortunate victim to respond! It is really lucky that your transaction was thwarted. I delete such mails and then their address in my book so that I would not forward any mails to that hacked one unwittingly, later on.”

In the evening I heard from an IT-specialist how he got tricked online and lost some money, though he knew very well of possible tricks. And yesterday another friend told me how she got trapped very intelligently through a skype chat contact and lost some money.

We have to be very alert.

A way in the mist leading “nowhere”